country + rap = crap

I relly do. i am without intent right now. it is very sad.

anyway hello to everybody.

 

some where in my noggin has to be some sort of effective thought process.

sick of watching life fly by and i just cant get a solid grasp to stay a float.

tierd of watching  my dreams in life slip through my fingers.

i cant look in the mirror without comparing myself with what others think it should be.

my greatest ally has become my harshest critic. not wanting to hear anything i have to say, taking my own ideas and spiting them at me like they have never occurred to me before.

while the old critics still smile to my face, and snicker behind my back.

a little understanding goes a long way, but there seems to be a huge shortage from those who "care" about me.

i wont look in the mirror and compare my self to what others think i should be anymore.

it is time to like what i see.

 

 

 

hey buzz cats and kittens.

just wanted to say hi. life is GOOD. i am alive and well. so are my spawn. i am at the library. i have 6 mints left so i gota bounce....loves for netty land.

 

my Internet is down and i am moving.

don't know when i will be back, but i will check in when i can.

loves to all.

 

i just found out that there is a good chance i won't have internet after monday!!!

i dont know when i will have it a again. i will miss you guys. i will check in when i can.

love netty :(

time to take some pictures or mabie get some sleep.

 

 

my feet feel heavy as i wander through (as funks put it) the anonymous public. i am suddenly reminded of high school. not that any of you behave like hartless teenagers, but it is me. i remember wandering thought the hallways feeling like an outsider. people talking, laughing, and yet i am struck dumb.

yes, struck dumb....as the people who know me outside of buzznet know i am rarely speechless. even to the point where i can make your brain want to eat its self. as kids funks called MM(motor mouth). but lack of ability to put my thoughts to the keyboard, and fear of looking stupid leave me inhibited....

yes, people who know me in the the physical realm, yes netty has inabitions...i bet you didn't know that. 

looking through the mass of posts i am in awe. how creative, intelligent and funny you all are.....but i can type nothing other that genaric descriptions of pure genius.

pax hit the nail on the head when she said "depression isn't this week's style in LitBlogs, but a fucking bore that kidnaps the ability to relate."

 

so please don't think am lame if all i say to you is 'awesome',

and if i don't comment on your post know that i was there, and i was speechless.

i love buzznet, and the people  here.

i love alot of the new features, but buzznet used to have more class.

it used to be about the photos. i am sick of seeing good people leave.

and the black screen of death, and lost comments are a pain.

buzznet, it is ok to have an identy crisis now and then, but you are not myspace, you are buzznet and we love you for who you are.

 

 

The Soundtrack of Your Life


If your life had a soundtrack, what would the music be?
1. open your library (iTunes, winamp, media player, Zen, iPod)
2. put it on shuffle
3. press play
4. for every question, type the name of whatever song comes up
5. press the next button to get the answer to the next question
6. don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool

SOUNDTRACK FOR MY LIFE …
opening credits:
shady grove -jerry garcia, & david grisman

waking up:
shake em on down-north Mississippi allstars

first day at school:
ill be your Johny on the spot -WEEN

falling in love:
loser -jerry garcia (hehe)

breaking up:
cloud on my tongue -tori amos

prom:
dont let me be misunderstood- nina Simone

life’s okay:
warm beer and cold women -tom waits

mental breakdown:
crucify- tori amos

driving:
big jim- WEEN

flashback:
day in the life- the beatles

getting back together:
rambling man- hank williams

wedding:
something- butthole surfers

birth of child:
cry me a river- nina Simonne

final battle:
while my guitar gently weeps- the beatles

death scene:
life is shit- dead milk men

funeral song:
Mississippi half step- grateful dead

nice one: (hello baby im gone good bye, have a cup of rock and rye, farewell to you old southern Sky's i on my way...)

end credits:
backwater- the meat puppets

 

the songs of my life according to my mp3 player.

that lovely little box, knows me pretty well.

at a rainbow gathering i was at recently, while walking down the trail. a woman who i had never seen before, asked me to come and sit and talk with her. this is not uncommon at gatherings.

i sat down and she said asked me if she could talk to me without offending me. i shrugged. the conversation as i remember it went something like this.

woman: i have allways wanted to collect midgets, i mean they are so cute and i just want to get as many as i can in my houses. little midgets, running around. it  would be so cool..

(now if you are not aware of it the word midget is allot like the word nigger, highly offensive if used in an ignorant context.)

me: well i am not exactly a midget, i am just really short, (i move i bit farther away) and frankly i find that kind of creepy, i mean what you want to keep midgets in a cage in your basement? severed heads under your bed. what?

woman: no not like that, i would feed them and stuff.

me: you mean like dogs?

woman: ya kinda like dogs.  you know i was talking to this guy, and he said that he wasn't a midget, he was a dwarf. so i guess there are midgets, dwarfs and humans.

me: you know we are all human.

woman: blank stare.

at that point, a got up and left.

 

this event has inspired me.

i want a tee shirt that says: Freaks are people too.

funks. are you making shirts right now? can i commission you?

he he...

come on now, that is how most of you all ended up being daddy's anyway...

issues? i don't have issues.

seriously.

happy fathers day to all of you daddy's out there.

!!!have a good one!!!

 

I look at all the lovely things you all post, but I can't find the words to tell you what i think.

I look at my life, and I realise that it really isn't that complicated. then why is it so overwhelming for me? I realized that if I am going to get anywhere with my life I have to conquer this depression that has chased me around  for way too long,  instead on running away from myself,  and going on some silly adventuer.

I have decided that I need to go concealing. I need to fix my head, so I can fix my life.

I  don't usually capitalise my I's. but today, I have decided that I will, because I have realise that I am allot more important than i thought.

Upon a day Beauty and Ugliness met on the shore of a sea. And they said to one another, "Let us bathe in the sea."

Then they disrobed and swam in the waters. And after a while Ugliness came back to shore and garmented himself with the garments of Beauty and walked away.

And Beauty too came out of the sea, and found not her raiment, and she was too shy to be naked, therefore she dressed herself with the raiment of Ugliness. And Beauty walked her way.

And to this very day men and women mistake the one for the other.

Yet some there are who have beheld the face of Beauty, and they know her notwithstanding her garments. And some there be who know the face of Ugliness, and the cloth conceals him not from their eyes.

 

~Kahlil Gibran~

 

superman said he would save the day,

then just as quick he flew away.

who will save the kitten from the tree,

who can kill a 50 foot bee?

who will save the baby in the building that's on fire,

who can protect us from the evil empire?

who will hold the ladder while i climb,

who can get the brownies out of the oven on time?

who will help me look for my keys when they are not found,

who can be my friend when no one is around?

who will take me off the shelf,

who can save me form my self?

if not superman who can it be?

i guess i will call super me.

 

I found this in one of my old journals. i wrote it in july 2003 when i was riding in the back seat of my 1987 chevy reliant, through southern wyoming, on my way to colorado. i was fighting the urge to throw myself underneath  passing mac trucks. when i got bored of that i wrote this, and i felt whole lot better.

i cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was 
rdanieg.. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses  and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the 
huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a 
wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!